a pause

So, I know that it's been a while. In face it's been a long while. I will tell you that part of the reason is because my blog is struggling to load pictures, and the words aren't coming as freely as they once did. These days my world revolves around a building of teenage girls. They take all of my time, energy, and brain space. Now, we are trying to get them sent off for the holiday break and in four days I will be on my way home. Four days, one more party to plan, some good-byes, and then I'll breathe again.

For right now, I'll go back to my small world. Back to their lives. Back to balancing work and play. Back to a full inbox. Back to one of the most exhausting jobs I've ever loved.

Thanks for your patience. Thanks for traveling with me. Thanks for letting me figure this out.

eat, drink, and be merry

The dorms closed on campus at 2pm on Saturday and just hours later MK and I were opening the doors on the inaugural Residence Life Thanksgiving Dinner. With one week to work magic, we both got busy planning the dinner. I took charge of all things creative and MK overtook the kitchen working food magic I didn't even know was possible. 

In the end it turned out into a beautiful evening enjoyed by dear friends. It was a celebration of the first chunk of school being over, and for many of us, the completion of our first travel week. 

For me and MK, it was a true joy to bring together the people we cherish and host them doing what we love to do. Thank you to everyone who came and to my family who let me escape into the world of design and therefore didn't respond to a single email or phone call all week. 

Now we can all eat, drink, and be merry. 

Mary-Kate and Wyatt 

some of our people 

Andrea 

one of my favorite shots 

love these two

the boys 

me and shelley (she looked fabulous again!) 

damage. done.  

 the food master

the ladies i get to work with--the entire TJ/McW staff

the words i couldn't say

dear friend,

i am so sorry that our last conversation was awkward. that was basically my fault. you are just too cool for me. you have such a lovely life full of everything you want. i felt like what i'm doing wasn't good enough so I acted funny. and flipped my hair a lot...like what is up with that?

let's go back and have a redo. let's go back to the way it once was where we talked about art and life and our dreams. we used to laugh until we were rolling around on a twin bed and talk until the malian stars burned bright.

maybe we can't go backward, but will go forward with me?

love always,
your awkward and still perhaps endearing friend

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winding mind

I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Again. It’s becoming a thing that happens when my headspace is cloudy and I could stare out into space thinking about everything and nothing in particular.

My head has just been elsewhere. I’m becoming that person who is physically present and yet not there. There’s a distance and a displacement. It’s like when you finish an epic book or watch a really poignant movie and it stays with you; you can’t shake this feeling that you were somewhere else and that place isn’t in your present.

Does that make sense yet?

I think it’s the collision of life. If Peace Corps had worked, I would be prepping for coming home for the holidays. I’d be having a dress made to have Thanksgiving with the Ambassador in Bamako and planning Christmas gifts for the family. I’d be planning for a twenty-four hour travel and totally flipping out in excitement.

But that’s not my life.

And yet, nor is my life one at home with the family.

Life is this third option. I’m in Michigan. My family is in Indiana. My brother is in Arizona. My friends are on the East Coast.

Still, I’m totally stoked to go home. I’m going home in about 11 days for Thanksgiving. That will be great. It will be Americana and holiday fun.

But in those eleven days my head is not here. It’s somewhere else. It’s bogged around in life of a twenty-four year old and the thirty-six lives of teenagers. It’s worry and fun. It’s fighting between wild and free and parental.

I let all of them in. The girls and their lives, they are a part of me, and they are in my heart and soul. I dream about their problems and cross my fingers for every audition. I am there for every step. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But my head is still fuzzy with it all.

It’s intertwining of a million things--of me and the people around me. It’s the craziness of life and the chaos of being young. It’s fighting for your place and searching for the authenticity of who you are. It’s curiosity and fear, happiness and excitement.

The things in there are hard to articulate. Those are the things that I give away in written word, in a sideway glance, in one comment. It’s the dark and twisty. It’s the unknown. It’s the complicated.

It’s the windy inner world of my mind. 

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words

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DIY--but have someone else do it

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how awesome is this headboard? for a reader like me, this could be the perfect little something something. also, if you are a romantic, what about a headboard of love poems and sonnets? i mean that's pretty suave.

for all the info, click here.

i'm still getting into DIY projects, but I have a dear friend who is all about the crafty projects, i'll keep you updated.

a little makeover

before.

this is shelley. isn't she adorable? she is one of my fellow hall counselors and a good friend of mine. word is slowly spreading about how much I love fashion and how I love to style everyone who comes in contact with me. friends of mine joke about whether or not they have graduated from the "mary school of fashion." needless to say, when shelley asked me and our other dear friend mary-kate to take her shopping earlier this week, i was super excited. 

shelley is off to her hometown to attend a friend's wedding and wants to wow them all with how great she looks. i decided it was a great time to see what some new clothes, make up, and a different hairstyle would do to this super athlete. she needed to learn how to dress this new shape of hers and have fun with some feminine touches. 

several hours and a whole lot of what not to wear references later, we did manage to come up with a rehearsal dinner outfit. 

now a lot of people wonder about the materialism of styling people. yes, we spent hours shopping. yes, sometimes i looked at what she had on like she was nuts. but as you will see as you scroll through, she just beams with happiness and confidence. that's what i wanted to pull out. no more tugging on clothing, no more settling for whatever is clean. i wanted shelley to believe she was beautiful, graceful, and could feel that way always. 

so, without further ado, here's how we ended...

#icoulddothisalways

fall colors

I have to say, I am totally enjoying fall in Michigan. I took another walk around campus yesterday and it was the perfect fall day--crisp, windy, and full of color.  

I just stood by this tree and took way too many photos of these leaves dancing in the wind. This is just one and I can bet you I'll be showing more of them later!  

magical.

take a seat. and enjoy the view.

just for me

Interlochen in the fall

Someone asked me what it was that I do for myself. It was a funny question because my constant struggle is not loosing myself in my work. I want to give so much of my time and concentration to other people, I want to have those conversations, and live in those moments, that before I know it, all the things that I love have gone by the waste side. There are things I need to do that make me a better person. I’m picky and finicky, when I eat better and work out and sleep, I’m better. When I call home and vent to my Mom I feel better. When I see my siblings, I’m better. When I remember to read a book and listen the news, I feel a part of something. When I remember something about the artwork I spent hours with in school, I feel smart and worthy.

But doesn’t really answer the question.

I watch TV for fun. I listen music to evade my own thoughts. I read because that’s what you do. I eat poorly because I eat my feelings.

What I do for me is much smaller.

My most selfish act is my writing. This right here, this blog, my journals, the internal dialogue of my mind, those are all mine. To immerse myself in words and ramblings, to find the time to put all of this on paper, to have minutes to devote to myself—those are the times I live for. To work on this blog, to build it up and share it, that is my favorite thing.

I’ve never thought of myself as a writer. I don’t read obscure authors. I haven’t read all the classics. I don’t spend hours in used bookstores.

But this, this is what I do for myself.

So maybe I won’t be an author. Maybe I’ll continue to write for the small audience that reads my stuff right now. But finding myself in these words, that’s the magic. And that I do just for me.

So, may the magic continue, for as long as you keep reading. 

pumpkins pumpkins everywhere!

here we go!

looking around... 

fresh doughnuts...way to go 

pumpkins!

oh hey, it's a pumpkin

me and my pumpkin. thanks sherene for snapping my picture!

this is what happens when you photo bomb my picture. HA!

FRIENDS! <3 

long weekend drives :) 

good conversation

and always end in ice cream!