wait for me

You told me once you couldn’t do this without me. Sometimes I think about what it would be like without me here, without this relationship in front of us, trying to untangle the good from the bad, the me from the you. I sit here and stare into those blue eyes of yours getting pulled from whatever we are chatting about into visions of the sea, until I blink, and am pulled right back to this present moment; I smile up at you because you’ve always been so much taller than I am. And you squeeze my hand.

According to one life plan I wasn’t supposed to be here, where I am standing looking at you. Life was supposed to have something else in store, but then I took a chance and challenged myself again to face some personal fears. And God must have smiled on that decision because with that I got you. With you came a rejuvenation into my work and my love for the world around me. I began to see it all through you. It’s an adventure to you, it’s a world to be conquered, a world to love.

So I get you and those blue eyes. I love it when you call me by name, not a nickname like all the ones I give you, but something about my name rolling off those lips, the simplicity of it all. I blush when you seek me out, when you linger around to get my attention even if I’m talking to someone else. I love that we don’t really have personal boundaries and you stand so close I can compare my poor posture to your why-yes-I’ve-taken-a-dance-class stance. And every so often, when you sit down and I face you, our legs intertwine slightly and you play with my hands like no one else can see us. It’s nothing you say. Your eyes twinkle and you talk to me about your day and your work, meanwhile, our hands are pulling in and out of each other so softly it makes me tingle.

Despite all this, you say you want to hang out more, to see me, and something stops me. I delay you feeling like whatever this is, or could be, cannot actually happen. The timing is wrong I tell myself; it's all off. I cannot ruin this magic. Not yet. That risk is too big.

So I pause and I open my eyes and see yours starring back at me. Waiting for me. Waiting for whatever happens next.