swimsuits...in january? REALLY?

I've NEVER in my life worn a two-piece bathing suit, but this season, I'm having a change of heart. Maybe. 

If I were to walk on the wild side, I'm totally digging this vintage number. It may have everything I've wanted in a bikini. And really, who can say no to a polka dot? 

Thoughts? Does size really matter when it comes to swimwear?

rockin' the red blazer

in the residence life department, if you get voted the employee of the week, you get to take in your possession the red blazer. once upon a time people at IAA wore this red blazer. now it's more of a trophy of sorts. mary-kate and i won the red blazer for our mad decorating skills and general charm. ;) plus i think we are kinda awesome at our job. but that's just me. 

well, what's winning a vintage blazer for a week if you don't get a fashion shoot out of it?! here is a brief glimpse at the fun we had messing around in the red blazer. 

 mary-kate look rather studious. we are still trying to get through Anna Karenina. What can we say, it's a rather long read. (Though totally wonderful. Seriously.)

 so, because we BOTH won it, we certainly tried to BOTH wear it. 

super silly. and completely awesome. 

just me chilling in the way too big blazer. 

thanks MK for humoring me both as model and photographer! you da best!

some moments

so, i've been having some image issues, and instead of boring you with photo after photo of, well, basically snow, i thought i'd do a short little peak of some of the moments of break and those days leading up to it. 

residence life tried to have a holiday party. but mother nature had other plans. the party continued, with some tweaks. and then the power went out. geez...

so there was a winter storm across the midwest at the exact moment we were trying to empty out the academy for break. that was kinda uncool. but i got some lovely pictures out of the deal. this one is a favorite. 

like father, like son. (look Ma! I got BOTH of them to show teeth! SUCCESS!!!)

 an animal in a hat. of course! what more could you expect from Nick's? 

 we were walking around campus and then all of a sudden we turned a corner and this appeared. I shrieked. It happened. 

 Kirkwood Ave. Bloomington. 

M&M. Friends across continents. 

reunited

marcy came to visit during the holidays. 

she put up with a blizzard and all my craziness! 

this is very typical us. 

thanks to my darling sister laura for taking the pictures!

and a big thanks to marcy. 

desire

When I was young, in elementary school, I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to paint and draw because that’s all I wanted to do in my free time. I wanted to go to college in Chicago and be an artist. At the time I had no idea what that really meant or what I would have to do to get there, I just knew that I hated going to school and my only solace was art class. So I just wanted art class to be my world.

Sometime in middle school I discovered I didn’t really have the hand of an artist. To be honest I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if some bully told me I had no talent or if something happened, or if I witnessed someone who really did have talent and felt I couldn’t compete (I don’t like competition, but that’s another post). Something happened and all I remember is walking out of some store crossing the parking lot telling my mom that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. A very serious conversation for a twelve year old.

So I distanced myself from being an artist. I ran smack into the world of politics. I realized I was smart and quick and had no fear of being told “no” because that just fueled my fire. By the time I was entering college I was going to save the world. I was going to join the Peace Corps. Maybe I’d live up to the expectations and be president.

Five years later I joined the Peace Corps.

Six years later and it was over.

I’ve basically done everything that I wanted to do (minus the whole President thing, though every time I watch West Wing I think about it…). So there should be a part of me that feels totally liberated to breathe and live freely. After all, I’m 24, single, with nothing but time. Thanks to a wonderful family I have no pressure to do anything but make myself happy.

Now when people ask me what I want to do with the rest of my life I kind of stare at them disillusioned.

What DO I want to do?

The best career advice I ever got came from a seminar of sorts I went to while at NYU. The woman asked us what we wanted to be when we were young. Surprisingly everyone there—all struggling twenty somethings—smiled thinking about their years dreaming of being fireman, ice skaters, and the ice cream man. This one particular guy literally laughed out loud. The woman leading the group asked him what he was thinking about. He said that when he was younger he wanted to be Peter Pan. She then smiled and asked him what he was at NYU majoring in. Turns out he was an actor. Better than that, he was recently cast to play Peter Pan that spring.

So wishes really do come true. 

The point of that exercise was that when we are young we don’t have pressure, or knowledge of money, power, or celebrity. What we want to do is based on something we like, something we admire, something we connect to.

That brought me back to my days of wanted to be an artist. That was two years before I declared an art history major, something that I still claim to be the best decision ever.

And here I sit. I managed to do both, major in art history and be in the Peace Corps. Yet the question of what I will do when I “grow up” still burns.

So then people ask you “What would you do if money weren’tan issue?”

This question bothers me for one big reason. Money IS an issue. But I get the point. I want to do something I love. I want to enjoy my work. I want to succeed. I want to flourish in a career that makes me a better person.

And to be brutally honest, my answer to that question is never a hard one to come up with. It’s actually pretty simple.

I’d design.

Someday I’d like to live around creative people who believe in the power of art to change the world we live. I want to change the way people view themselves and the world around them. This is truly an amazing world with beauty seeping from all around and no matter how clichéd or naïve it may sound, that’s what I believe. I also think we’d all be a little happier if more people enjoyed it all. So, that’s my goal. That’s my dream.

It’s not as black and white as wanting to go to law school to save the world. Some would say the arts is a recreation enjoyed by the wealthy, and that all this fashion and interior design and event planning is not capable of changing the world.  That is doesn’t matter. That one shouldn’t judge or view image as important, and perhaps there is a point in there somewhere.

But I still disagree.

And like I said before. There’s been a lot of years and life between that young girl who wanted to be an artist and me here wanting to be a creative—a lot of lessons learned and memories made. And I did say nothing fuels my fire like being told I’m crazy. This certainly isn’t the first time.

So here I go. Starting 2013 with a desire to merge everything I love into my future. It’s going to be complicated and layered and probably messy. I’ll second guess myself and think I’m not doing enough.

Yet. Then again. That kind of sounds marvelous.

Who’s in?

i hereby resolve...

On principle I’d like to say I’m opposed to making New Year’s Resolutions. I mean who needs a date to make changes? Well, I think I’ve become one of those people who does indeed need a date. Or at least a fresh start. Or the start to a new chapter. Anyway you look at it, I’ve decided to not only make resolutions, but I’m going to PUBLISH them as a way to hold myself accountable. (Or at least make myself feel guilty if these don’t happen…ekkk)

Here we go…and in no particular order…

I’m actually going to keep in touch. Like really. I have truly amazing friends who, believe it or not, actually think I’m pretty cool. I came to the realization that for all the people I think about and make an effort toward who actually don’t deserve it, I could be putting time and energy into delightfully deserving people. (That was such an esteem booster…I feel all sorts of mature.) More phone calls, more texts, more emails, more facebook writings and not just looking at all the photographers I follow.

I’m going to write. It makes me happy. I should just commit to things that make me happy.

Reading. I should read more. Magazines, books, articles that don’t come from entertainment websites, those things should happen. I will finish Anna Karenina!

I really want to recommit to my health. Like women all over the world, when your life revolves around children, you seem to slip to the end of the priority list. That’s happened to me and even now I have next to me a very near empty box of Cheez-Its. I have to get it together. I am not really sure what that is going to look like. More long walks, more runs, more Greek yogurt and veggies.

I have to decide to let him go. 

moments in time

Sometimes I stop writing because I have so much to do I don’t have time to blink; sometimes I stop writing because I have so much to say the words blur into run on sentences and I can’t get them to make sense; sometimes I stop writing because looking at it all on paper makes it seem too insignificant.

The past month has been a total combination of it all.

To say I have been busy would be too trite and cliché. To say I haven’t thought about writing would be a lie. To say I don’t think as if I’m a writer would be (well besides slightly pompous) false.

I yearn to write. To sit at a desk and bleed out words and thoughts. I want it to make sense and to be heard. As odd as it may sound, I do feel like someone out there understands this nonsense and may even like it. I feel as though I have something to say and something to offer. (Which I suppose is why writers write to begin with.)

So here I am. I’m writing. I’m trying to be back in action and trying to recommit myself to this here blog. This vehicle for my own crazy thoughts and wild ideas.

Thanks for coming. I hope you are enjoying the ride.

PS—I’m still working through the image issues and the perhaps maturation of this blog. I’ll keep you updated.