something like this...

the obamas, 1992

i'm sorry, but i love the obamas. politics aside, i just think they are good people who have an admirable relationship. 

and these days i really love hugs too. 

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dear friend

c'mon, they look like friends

I’m complicated. I’m dark and twisty. I evade conversations and for some reason have a very difficult time returning phone calls. I take a long time getting ready to go out. I watch too much (and sometimes really bad) TV. I burn toast.

And yet, either despite or because of these things, I have wonderful friends (who find it wildly humorous that I can really only make cereal and willingly watch The Bachelor). Really, truly, fantastically, amazing friends.

It took me a while to get friends. I have always been quiet, shy, and smart, which at certain ages isn’t exactly the recipe for popularity. And to be perfectly honest, I was ok with that. I have a very small group of friends, some that have been around for years and to others I’m sure it just feels like years! Yet, today, at this moment, it all seems absolutely worth the wait because now they are here and in my life, and it’s all messy and chaotic and exactly how it’s supposed to be.

My friends are smart and witty and so successful it’s crazy just being around them. What they know and how they see the world teaches me something everyday. To me they are absolutely perfect even though they might not see it.

I feel the need to give a little friend shout out now because the past couple of months have been rough. The dark and twisty came out with a passion and the crazy that is my life increased to a whole new level. I became a little more needy, a little more uncertain. My confidence and ego took a beating and with that my entire mindset. I needed space; I needed a shoulder to cry on. I needed something different from each person and that was hard on everyone.

And through it all, this group of people stayed. No one fled. No one told me it was too much and left. Everyone grabbed a piece or armor and stood their ground. They talked; they sat in silence. They had patience I didn’t know was possible. Each and every moment they showed me what true friendship means.

I hope that I get to tell each of them individually how much they mean to me. I hope they already know.

At this age it seems there is an inherent element of self-doubt going around. Everyone wonders if they can trust their decisions...about jobs, relationships, love, self, what color socks to wear. I hope that one thing you all never doubt is your ability to be a good friend, a strong person, and wield courageous heart.

I’d like to believe I’ve come to the fork in the road. I’d like to think that from here on out it will be different. That’s what I want to tell you. But I can’t. I make no guarantees, and no promises about this life and how I’ll handle it. What I can promise you is that when it’s good, or bad, shocking, or lame, I’ll let you know. And when you need me, I hope I can return the favor.

I don’t know what I did in my last life to deserve my friends. But whatever it was, I’m certainly glad it happened.

Because did I mention they’re the best?

a bunch of us girls always talk about the string and can idea. 

image, image

and to add to it all, some music...

mom, mom, mom...MOM!

me and ma, la jolla, 2011

ok, so i'm like real behind. like REAL. i've started and stopped over a dozen blog posts...I just can't seem to get the right words in the right order or something. so i thought i'd get the juices flowing with a very belated mother's day post (but really, moms need to always be appreciated, so it's all good). 

my darling savoy and i were talking one day about when you know you love someone. it actually started out as a conversation about grapefruit. we were skyping and she was cooking grapefruit (she says sprinkle a little brown sugar and it's like dessert...i say it needs chocolate and then we can talk about it qualifying as dessert!). anywho, she was saying how she hates cutting the grapefruit away from the skin, it's just the worst. she said that one day she was at her parents' house and her mom asked her if she wanted grapefruit, she replied with an eager yes only to find that not only had her mom gotten the grapefruit out, but she had peeled it too! savoy said that was love, doing the little things that just make the whole day better. i laughed because i knew exactly what she meant. in high school (and probably further back than that) whenever i had a big day at school my mom would sneak in my my room when i was in the shower and make my bed. i hate making my bed, but i did it because i was supposed to, and it just was such a little present when i would walk into my bedroom and VOILA! bed made! (side note: in my second year of college i told this story to my roommate and before one of our big tests she made my bed while i was in the shower! i thought that was totally adorable!)

it is probably pretty silly to say that those two things mean the most to either me or savoy. but i think it's the paying attention to the small things that really matters. moms know, well, everything, and it's what makes them great. they see everything in the details. 

savoy and i may always be peeling grapefruit and making beds, and every time we do, we'll sigh a little thinking to ourselves "if mom were here, she would know today was important and she would have swooped in here and done this for me."

so thanks ma, for doing it all, all the time. 

oh hey friday...

the girls of the GBC, and luka--yeah, it's better not to ask so many questions


what feels like another lifetime ago, my friend ames and i were walking up the main road in kati and somehow my birthday came up. granted at that point we were talking months in the future. we were plotting her arrival in bamako along with as much of the gang of Goodfellas we could get trying to get everyone together between regional training, newbie training, and hot season.

it was fun to think about. certainly something to look forward to. the girls and i decided the theme was to be around Katy Perry's TGIF since my birthday fell, ever so conveniently on a Friday, and anything in the song was fair game.

in the weeks after, when i was alone with my thoughts walking to and from work, i would think about that birthday extravaganza. i planned the kind of dress i would have made, whether or not to have my mom send me my favorite pair of wedges, who would show up. to me it was going to be a bash, which was great because it would also be the first birthday i ever had not seeing my mom. and that weighed on me, so i really liked having something that fun and outrageous coming up.

fast forward and we are all back. sure, i came back because of med stuff and they all came back because mali was evacuated, but here we are. everyone is somewhere else, we are thrown coast to coast. there won't be a big table of goodfellas at da guidos. marcy and i haven't been on the phone for hours going back and forth on what to wear. i don't have 12 people in my apartment avoiding the bamako stage house.

today i got to go shopping with my mom. i got to put on makeup without sweating it off. i drove in a really clean car singing along to the radio. i roamed sephora. i ate out for lunch. i had a muffin. i have chocolate cake sitting in the fridge and kind text messages and facebook posts waiting to be looked at. now i have friends from all over thinking happy thoughts for me and the comforts of home for me to savor. sure, it's quieter. it's not going to last all night. there will be no dancing on tables! today i'm going to enjoy the crazy year that happened and think about the year ahead. with great hope and a little whimsy.

and listen one more time to katy perry. just for the BGC. ;)

TGIF everyone! 

xo

silly heads

the more i learn, the older i get, the more i realize how important it is to be silly. to lighten up. to fight incredibly hard to be happy. 

i know, i know, it sounds kinda ridiculous. i mean most people would not tell me i'm the laid back type. i have itineraries for vacations for crying out loud. but there is something liberating about being silly. 

to me, being silly is an example of being in the moment. i have a real hard time being in the present and shutting off my mind from the past and the future, so to let go, even for a moment, is freeing. 

this morning my mom and i were in the grocery store and i skipped down the aisles. really. skipped. and it was fun. it's nice being back in a country with grocery stores, with all these options that is somewhat terrifying because that means there are choices to be made, but exciting. it's always fun hanging out with my mom. and i really appreciate a grocery store's eccentric radio choices, so perhaps I was singing along...perhaps. 

and i think life needs more of those moments. more skipping. more off key singing to the radio. more dance parties. more long conversations over coffee. more hopscotch in your front yard when you're over the age of 20 (or 30). 

my sister and i were hanging out today and we mentioned one day last year when we went to the zoo. we were just high on life that day. happy to be at the zoo knowing that the maximum age limit was probably 12. we embraced it all. and when we got to the zoo gift store we further embraced the silly--wearing animal masks, using puppets, trying on zebra striped sunglasses. it was awesome, we were living in that moment, as if age didn't matter. 

tomorrow i turn 24. (i know i know! still so young) my goal, my birthday resolution, is to be silly. as often as possible. 

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bromance/romance/girl talk

so, i almost forgot to talk about how wonderful last weekend was. i don't think i did anything too different, it was just fun and i got to spend lots of time with my mom, which for those who don't know me, is always fun times. 

due to movie prices here is sunny souther california, my mom and i went to the movies saturday morning for half price. i convinced her to see think like a man because i am kinda a big fan of steve harvey, and i find him rather hysterical when it comes to relationships. and let me just say, if you haven't seen the movie and are looking for something to do this weekend, it is real good. probably not going to win an oscar good, but laugh out loud funny, and sometimes so funny because it's true. the guys are hysterical, and um, so (SOOOO!) good looking it should be a crime. 

go. watch. and try to figure out which character you are. 

and i do love the music video. 

what do you think, should ladies act like a woman and think like a man? my sister and i were having a discussion and we couldn't quite come up with a synopsis...thoughts?

a little birdy

yes, i totally adore this commercial. it could be because in the last week i've watch HGTV like everyday, but it's just a little something cute for everyone's Thursday. 

anyone house hunting this spring?