dear friend

c'mon, they look like friends

I’m complicated. I’m dark and twisty. I evade conversations and for some reason have a very difficult time returning phone calls. I take a long time getting ready to go out. I watch too much (and sometimes really bad) TV. I burn toast.

And yet, either despite or because of these things, I have wonderful friends (who find it wildly humorous that I can really only make cereal and willingly watch The Bachelor). Really, truly, fantastically, amazing friends.

It took me a while to get friends. I have always been quiet, shy, and smart, which at certain ages isn’t exactly the recipe for popularity. And to be perfectly honest, I was ok with that. I have a very small group of friends, some that have been around for years and to others I’m sure it just feels like years! Yet, today, at this moment, it all seems absolutely worth the wait because now they are here and in my life, and it’s all messy and chaotic and exactly how it’s supposed to be.

My friends are smart and witty and so successful it’s crazy just being around them. What they know and how they see the world teaches me something everyday. To me they are absolutely perfect even though they might not see it.

I feel the need to give a little friend shout out now because the past couple of months have been rough. The dark and twisty came out with a passion and the crazy that is my life increased to a whole new level. I became a little more needy, a little more uncertain. My confidence and ego took a beating and with that my entire mindset. I needed space; I needed a shoulder to cry on. I needed something different from each person and that was hard on everyone.

And through it all, this group of people stayed. No one fled. No one told me it was too much and left. Everyone grabbed a piece or armor and stood their ground. They talked; they sat in silence. They had patience I didn’t know was possible. Each and every moment they showed me what true friendship means.

I hope that I get to tell each of them individually how much they mean to me. I hope they already know.

At this age it seems there is an inherent element of self-doubt going around. Everyone wonders if they can trust their decisions...about jobs, relationships, love, self, what color socks to wear. I hope that one thing you all never doubt is your ability to be a good friend, a strong person, and wield courageous heart.

I’d like to believe I’ve come to the fork in the road. I’d like to think that from here on out it will be different. That’s what I want to tell you. But I can’t. I make no guarantees, and no promises about this life and how I’ll handle it. What I can promise you is that when it’s good, or bad, shocking, or lame, I’ll let you know. And when you need me, I hope I can return the favor.

I don’t know what I did in my last life to deserve my friends. But whatever it was, I’m certainly glad it happened.

Because did I mention they’re the best?

a bunch of us girls always talk about the string and can idea. 

image, image

and to add to it all, some music...