I’m eating a lot of chocolate. I thought I was going to have trick or treaters last night, but no one came. So now it’s me, homework, and peanut M&Ms. I am not allowed to get more candy otherwise my jeans won’t make it to January.
I’m sitting here shoveling these delights in thinking. I just finished Philadelphia, the movie Tom Hanks won an Oscar for about the lawyer who got fired with AIDS. It was referenced in one of classes this past week and even though I own it and have seen it before, I thought I should watch it again. It’s a fine movie. My favorite scene is when Tom Hanks is on the witness stand and he is talking about being an excellent lawyer, about loving the law, about being able to, on the rare occasion, witness justice. It can give you chills.
So, I’m sitting here, in the dim silence of my room eating peanut M&Ms thinking about all of that. Because it’s Sunday and the crazy week of law school looms ahead and sometimes I really try to think about whether I love it or not.
My major philosophy is to say no to shit you hate. Life’s too short and I’m too old to play the let’s please everyone game. Ain’t no one got time for that. But that doesn’t mean it’s all roses and daisies and netflix all the time.
Starting a conversation with “I go to law school” leads into warped responses. Most people are impressed/think I’m crazy/ think I’m some kind of salvant. (I always feel the need to correct those people and be like, lawyers are people too.) A majority of the time people want to talk about how hard it is, about the soul sucking, time sucking, terror of it all.
Maybe I should be knocking on wood. I did just fail two sets of multiple choice practice exams for criminal law (that goes back to not a savant and you don’t have to be a genius), but I refuse to acknowledge all the gibberish.
Is law school hard? Sure. I mean, it should be. It’s a professional training ground for people that are going to be politicians, judges, policy makers, professors, and litigators. I’d like to think we were prepared for that. Do I think that the 1L experience is made to be drive us all slightly mad? Debatable. I think everyone doing anything for the first time goes a little crazy.
I’ve had the immense pleasure of spending three years raising teenagers. Have you ever had to watch someone fall out of love with their high school romance and try to put the pieces back together? Have you ever tried to explain the complexities of teen suicide or self harm to those it hit hardest? Divorce. School violence. The tears haunt you, the “I need yous,” the moments they curled right next you and you just prayed you didn’t have to move, that should they decide to talk you would find the words.
That. That was hard. The ER visits. The calls from parents wondering if life was ok. The reassurance. We were babies raising babies.
That was 24/7 and immediate. The conversations that are now done I still play in my mind.
I decided to take a chance on law school because I want to be a diplomat. A player on the international policy scene. I am passionate at being at the (head) of the table and ensuring that no girl will ever have to wonder about breaking a glass ceiling.
I believe in conversation. I believe in conversation interpersonally. I believe in conversation on a micro level. And I want to see if conversation, with the right people, can change the world on the biggest platform, the largest stage.
So, yeah, law school is hard.
When is the good stuff ever easy?
(And those conversations...the ones with the teens...some of the best, ever.)
because what's Philadelphia without bruce?