Sunday, January 13, 2013

a little more on the subject...

Rehoboth Beach, DE  2009
continuation from last post...
Confession: I have never owned a two-piece bikini. It’s true. In actuality, I loathe swimsuit season. The beach, the ocean—I just never really saw the appeal. The irony is that I spent 22 years living on coasts surrounded by some lovely beaches. Just like the facebook group, my life was their vacation.

This season I’m having a change of heart. Well, not total change, but a growth. Every time I’m at the beach there are women of various shapes and sizes in various cuts and styles--some of them rock it, some don’t. But they are out there. And it has me thinking…

What is holding me back?


I am not thin. My thighs rub together.  I have stretch marks from way back when.  My stomach is flat, but not toned. My arms are soft. To be honest, I’m kinda totally imperfect.

And some days I fight it like it’s the enemy. Because, like everyone else, when you look around, this isn’t exactly the image that sticks, this isn’t what makes the pages of magazines.  

But, if you want to see the change, sometimes that means starting with you. So, this is the body I’ve got. And it’s given me a lot. Sure, there are fashions I don’t wear, and trends I stay away from like they are the plague.  But I still have clothing. That’s never been a problem.

This body is the one that gets me through the day. It handled the heat of Mali and the cold of New York City. It takes me running and curls up to read long novels.  It loves and gives and strives.

So maybe, in a effort toward self acceptance, this summer will see something different. Something braver.

It’s not about weight. Or perfection. It’s about having the type of life that doesn’t live in the restrictions of society. After all, I’d never let any one else dictate how I live or what I do…Why am I letting anyone but me dictate how I feel when I look in the mirror?

Sleeping Bear Dunes, with view of Lake Michigan, 2012
written with inspiration from her and her

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